Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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