You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want to make a zoo with you.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
