it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
