Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
