just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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