she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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