if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
