can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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