My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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