summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
