So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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