i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
