I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
