It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He kissed a someone with a penis
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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