Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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