She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
