Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
