all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
