New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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