were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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