I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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