I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
