Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
