the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
