I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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