i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
