dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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