I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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