We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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