Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
