She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've blown a few things in my day
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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