Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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