I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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