3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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