just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
