I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
