Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
