Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
