You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
