Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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