Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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