4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
