Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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