I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
