I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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