he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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