so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
