my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
