Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
