Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
