I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
