Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You made out with two different species that night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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