I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
that may or may not have been my penis.
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