grandma shit on top of the toilet
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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