i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's blow job season.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
