Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize