I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
