so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
