did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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