it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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