i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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