I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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