Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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