And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
