why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
